Revelation 3: “I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive—but you are dead. 2 Wake up! Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. 3 Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don’t wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief.
Sometimes when God pursues you, there is no letting up. This scripture has been following me around and was extremely convicting the first time I encounter it. Let me paint the picture. I reached a point in my life that everything I was aiming to do was to please God. I prayed for vision and was working on provision. I had applied my faith through my works and was asking God for guidance in all areas of my life. The majority of my efforts were focused on how I could set myself up to be in a better position to help others more. So what’s the problem? I was not spending time in His presence. He knew my works, but I had left my first love.
Revelation 2: 2 “I know your works, your labor, your patience… 4 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.
Naturally I repented but this cut was a little deeper. I started to ask, “How did this happen?” I spent months frustrated trying to figure out what the problem was. My spirit finally calmed down enough for me to realize what was going on.
The intimacy I once had with Jesus was lacking because I no longer wanted to subject myself to vulnerability. Why? Well in all reality, I started to lack faith in love. It pains me to even write that. I became so rigid with people, constantly being disappointed by believers. My heart was hurting for the things that were hurting His, but I took it one step further. I hardened my own heart. I was so vexed, I wasn’t even trying to cover myself. I was not renewing my mind with what love should be and started to become consumed with everyone else's failed, inconsistent attempts of love. People harboring grudges for years against others, believers falling away from their faith over relationships they should have known better than to be in, gossiping, married couples belittling one another, woman lacking respect for their husbands, men lacking love for their wives, lack of commitment and follow through, consistent lack of morality, and not to mention the examination of my own relationships in my life were all overwhelming me.
When the time came to be in the presence of God and simply fellowship in intimacy… “I was too tired… I had a headache.” I had been feeding God excuse after excuse because I did not want to dive into this polluted version of love that had been crafted in my hardened heart. The moment I realized what I was doing, I just froze. These ongoing excuses were also what allowed me become negligent with my discipline and allowed me to entertain sin more and more. It all stemmed from lacking true love with Christ.
My heart’s purpose never changed, nor was my intention ever bad, yet I was distracted enough to be hindered in my own walk. I wish I could tell you everything is fine now but I know there is a lot of work to do in regards to my personal walk and vulnerability. What I can tell is what I do have; an opportunity. This opportunity is to realize the mercy of God in His forgiveness and move forward empowered by His grace. It is by His grace I am able to continue to work out my salvation and walk out my faith with fear and trembling (Phil.2:12).
I hope you read this with an ear to hear. If you cannot relate to what I am saying, my prayer is you never have to. If this is you and you can relate more than you would like, WAKE UP! Stop, repent and seek Him. Stop focusing on what's in front of you and start asking God to refocus your spirit on the truth only found in His love.
Talk soon & God bless,
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